Q

[0_0_7]

[continued from here]

Bond drove on to the next light before he answered. It was, to him, obvious where they were going.

"I'm taking you home," he said quietly. "If I'm to win your trust back I'll not do it in that appalling safe house in a bed neither of us like."

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[quartermaster_q]

Q frowned, looking uneasy.

"This is reckless and you know it. M is going to be furious. He didn't want me at that bloody charity event, he's definitely not going to like us skipping the safe house."

[0_0_7]

"Do you think I care what M thinks?" he replied. "I only care what you think...and apparently you think I'm a twat. I think I may have better luck in my flat convincing you I'm not. That I'm..."

That he was what, exactly? Worthy? Loyal? Something...something that Q wasn't mistaken in having feelings for.

[quartermaster_q]

"Rest assured, double-o seven, that I believed you to be a bit of a twat before any of this happened," Q replied.

He sighed, looking out the window. "There's nothing you can do in one night to just- fix this. That isn't how it works. You- You betrayed me. Do you understand that? I gave you something fragile, and you let it shatter. Nothing will fix this but time. I need you to prove to me that I am what you want, and it is going to be hard work. It has to be. Because if you don't have to work for it, if it isn't a bit difficult, then what is it really worth to you?" he asked.

[0_0_7]

Bond could do little more than pout and stew. He knew Q was right. He was right to be hurt. He was right in his judgment of Bond. He was right all around. And Bond felt...helpless. He felt impotent. He couldn't fix this, not tonight certainly.

"I want to work for it," he said, his voice quiet and petulant, but heartfelt. He wanted Q and he would work to make things right.

But right now...right now his fragile ego had taken a blow so badly he didn't know what to do about it.

[quartermaster_q]

"Good- Because I don't want to lose you. I don't want this to end- But it will, Bond. I will not be broken again, I will not be dragged about by my heart. You do not get another go. This is it. Do not waste it," Q said quietly.

[0_0_7]

He nodded but drove on in silence, letting the weight of Q's words settle on him. He knew this would be monumentally difficult. There wasn't a beautiful woman who didn't turn his head. Bond thought with his cock more often than he cared to admit. He loved Q, he truly did, and this was going to take a complete shift in thinking and in attitude if he were going to succeed in keeping the younger man in his life.

"I don't want to lose you, either," he said quietly.

[quartermaster_q]

"Good. In return- You get me. All of me. I wont go to clubs or bars. I will give all of that up. Those cheep thrills and dark desires... Because In the end, I would rather just have you," Q said, wanting Bond to understand that he was changing too. Walking away from how he'd been living his life to make this work.

[0_0_7]

"Even the nurse?" he asked, genuinely surprised by that. He hadn't expected Q to turn his back on something that they both knew Bond would struggle to provide for him. The agent could try, but he had enough of brutality, pain, and control with his missions. He didn't need to bring that home into the arms of the man he loved.

[quartermaster_q]

"Hex is seeing someone now- But even if he wasn't- No, I wouldn't seek intimacy with him," Q replied.

"I'll not pretend I don't have needs you can't meet- However, together we'll find an alternative. Perhaps... Perhaps an occasional night at a club where someone else does the grunt work and you take me home for the pleasure and the after care. ...Would you be open to something like that?" he asked, wondering if Bond even knew what after care was.

[0_0_7]

Bond scowled for a moment at the very thought. But he knew rather than balk outright he should keep an open mind. Q had needs and he had no right denying them.

"Alright," he said, just a bit hesitantly.

[quartermaster_q]

"No- James, don't answer tonight. Tonight you're wound up, and you're aiming to please me. Think about it for a few days, please. If you decide you're not comfortable with that, we'll find another way," Q assured him.

[0_0_7]

James again. Every time Q said it it stripped away Bond's armor. Every time he heard James fall from Q's lips he was closer and closer to the base elements of himself. All the ego and bravado and facade...all that crumbled. He only wanted to be James for Q. Always.

And a part of him knew that that was an extremely dangerous way to feel because more often than not he needed to be double-o seven. He couldn't be the man in love with Q. He needed to be the Quartermaster's weapon.

"Alright, I'll give it time," he promised. "And I will give it some serious consideration. I swear."

[quartermaster_q]

"Thank you," Q replied, simply and genuinely.

His anger had burned off now, and he took a long slow breath.

Silence settled, and finally he changed the subject. "I've upset Dr. Lecter's young friend," he said. "Alcuin Delaunay. He approached me at the party and asked if we could be friends. Like a little boy looking for someone to share his bloody juice box with. ...All I could think of was Terrance, and what he'd do to someone like that. I told him no- He was visibly hurt, but I don't regret it."

[0_0_7]

"Hmm, that makes things awkward, then. He invited me to dinner and I think he meant for me to bring you," Bond replied. "Hannibal's been teaching him to cook."

He paused and thought for a moment about Hannibal and Alcuin and the age difference. It was quite a gap but Bond had no ground to stand on. He'd fucked plenty of women who were, in truth, obscenely young.

[quartermaster_q]

"Oh, yes, because an uncomfortable dinner is clearly the pressing issue here," Q said blandly, frowning a little and remembering why he'd been so cross in the first place.

[0_0_7]

"No, I think the pressing issue is that he'd like to be friends with agents of MI6 and we all know how well that will work out," Bond said. "Even if Terrance wasn't an imminent threat, the very idea either of us could be friends with people outside of the agency is ludicrous."

And it was. They might be friendly with people...but the simple fact that people called Q 'Quentin' was proof enough that it was a foolish endeavour. You couldn't be friends with someone if you didn't even know their name.

[quartermaster_q]

Q didn't argue with that- It was true. They couldn't have real friends. Not while they did what they did.

"He's just so- bloody young. The way he talks, Bond. It's like he's still a little boy in some ways, He sounds almost juvenile on occasion. Not lacking in intelligence at all, just- young," he said, pausing, and then frowning.

"Doesn't he? Or- Or does everyone just sound young to me now?" he asked quietly.

[0_0_7]

"Yes...but everyone sounds young to me as well. Including you," Bond said. "I think he's a unique case, though. What Delaunay did to him was despicable, and I'm sure he doesn't even realize. The child sex trade is disgusting and Delaunay did it without hesitation as far as I can tell. And Alcuin wasn't his only child. That's not to excuse, merely to explain. You should see some of the girls and boys in Indonesia. It's revolting."

[quartermaster_q]

"I'm sure if asked he'd say there was no damage done," Q said quietly. "I agree though- What that man did was disgusting. That boy has been though too much. I'll not drag him through even more."

[0_0_7]

No damage done...impossible. Bond thought of Severine, of the look of fear in her eyes when he'd gotten a bit too close. He knew that wasn't entirely Silva's doing. And he saw that same look in Alcuin's...fear and that unbelievable need to be wanted, to be loved. Bond wondered if the boy could understand love without manipulation. If he could know love without it being linked to sex.

That was a concept Bond struggled with himself, but for entirely different reasons.

"You're quite right not to," Bond said. "And especially not now. Terrance would destroy him. I've not a doubt in my mind he'd ruin the boy."

[quartermaster_q]

Q nodded, falling silent for a while after that. Lost in his thoughts as they drove on.

[0_0_7]

As usual, Bond didn't drive straight there. He was going home, to his place of safety, so he did his best to lose any tails that might be following them.

Eventually they made it there adn Bond parked in the secure car park and lead Q to the elevator.

[quartermaster_q]

Q followed, standing quietly at Bond's side until the doors slid shut.

"This feels reckless," he said quietly.

[0_0_7]

"It's unpredictable," Bond said, then reached into his jacket and pulled his gun. Part of him fully expected Terrance to be waiting for them at his door.

[quartermaster_q]

"Reckless," Q assured him, looking uneasy.

The doors opened- And there was no one there. Not a soul.

He exhaled slowly, but didn't relax, not yet.